Tag Archive | gratitude

“Making Your Way In The World Today Takes Everything You Got”


Making your way in the world today takes everything you got;

Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.

Wouldn’t you like to get away?”

Theme song lyrics from “Cheers”, American Television Sitcom 1982-1993


For some of us, there is no taking a break from all our worries, because the worries are inside us, inside our heads, wreaking havoc inside our minds.

A reader asked me recently if I carry on in the hope that the Depression lifts.

I can only reply that I can only do my best on any given day.

I carry on, not in the hope that the depressions lifts.  I carry on for the exquisite rays of light that occasionally pierces through the darkness, and for the moments of love and happiness that brighten my world now and then.  I have seen the splendour and magnificence of beauty and joy.  That is what keeps me going.

Is that enough?

Who knows what’s on the other side life?  Maybe we take the pain with us if we die while in the grips of despair.   Wouldn’t that be the ultimate irony, committing suicide because of the need to stop the pain, only to writh in that pain into perpetuity?

Everyone has ups and downs.  No one is in perpetual bliss.  Even the brightest flames diminish in the dampening rain.

For people with Depression however, the downs are much deeper and darker than for others.  The rain becomes a torrential hurricane complete with tsunami tidal wave.

I have learned to ride the emotional coaster better, by being aware of the pattern of ups and downs.  It helps to have an arsenal of coping tools in my self-management toolbox to help me get through the lowest times; everything from spiritual healing to comedy relief and everything in between.  I have also learned that it’s O.K. reach out and ask for help.

I used to question what it was all for, the constant struggle that is life.

Survival?

But why?

Procreation?

I have procreated.  Does that mean I am done?

What’s the point?

According to Oprah Winfrey;


“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”


For me, for now, I am the person that I am; faulty, flawed and imperfect, trying to embrace with gratitude every small moment of joy I am given, before I am drawn under again by the next wave of darkness that hits.

I don’t make excuses for the way that I am anymore, and I don’t apologize either, for the sudden tears, or the occasional need for a small retreat from the world.  I don’t make excuses for needing to take medications to stabilize my mental health.  I don’t make excuses for needing support to get me through sinkholes in the road.

Do I want to evolve into the “complete person” I was intended to be? photo 3 (7)

What does that even mean?

Or maybe I have evolved, and this is the complete person I am intended to be this go round.  Imperfectly perfect.

I can accept that, or, I can continue searching, discontent in mind, body and spirit, straining and craving to change into some intangible “complete” entity I am told I should aspire to.

There is only one answer that makes sense right now.

“… grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time…”

~Reinhold Niebuhr

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Mourning My Gal Pal, Libida

There are many side effects of antidepressants, from excessive sweating, to dry mouth to libido death.
Everyone responds differently, to different doses of different medications.  There is no one size fits all, all the time.  But if your doctor has you on your prescription, then hopefully, it’s because they believe the cons of the side effects are a far lesser evil than the symptoms you are exhibiting.

Suzanne-Enoch-A-Lady-s-Guide-to-Improper-Behavior-historical-romance-16791947-598-500

Book Cover: A Lady’s Guide To Improper Behavior by Suzanne Enoch

Tell that to my dead libido!

I am a woman who has always had a healthy appetite for sex and more importantly, the elusive female orgasm (yes, please!).  Imagine my frustration, upon the realization one day that it just was not going to happen for me! It didn’t happen the next day either, or the next, or the next…

Orgasm was not going to come for me.

Everything physical was the same as it has always been. My man’s performance and stamina has never been in question, in fact he’s the Type A – overachiever sort, you know. 😉

After a few weeks of consistent lack of orgasmic results, I began to suspect that my gal pal “Libida” was dying. The “perp” that was killing my her had to be the meds I was taking.  Sadly, my doctor confirmed it.

What!?

This was the trade off?

I gave up the sensuous spasms of carnal delight for the ability to smile? What’s there to smile about without that! (Of course there are lots to be grateful for, this is merely an exaggeration to emphasize the grief of my loss.)

If I had never had an orgasm, I wouldn’t know what I was missing. But alas, the bliss of ignorance is not to be mine. I know exactly what I’m missing, and the multiple times that I’m missing it!

There was no way I was going to take this lying down! (Well, only if the situation was right. 😉 )

I deserve my God given entitlement of my share of erotic bliss!

So, being the adventurous sprite that I am, I packed my gear and went exploring to look for Libida in every sweet spot, using every method, and trying every trigger I could think of. Sometimes my man accompanied me.

Libida couldn’t be dead, I refuse to accept it.

Then…Success!

Ahhhh… I knew Libida wasn’t dead.  I felt it in my bones. Teeheehee.  🙂

Gratitude

Numerous studies show that people who regularly express gratitude for the things and people in their lives are happier, less stressed, and have higher self-esteem. And in studies asking people to write and read a gratitude letter aloud to its recipient, participants reported immediate increases in happiness and decreases in depressive symptoms. ~ happify.com

Okay, so here goes.

Photo Credit:  Sandi Yee

Photo Credit: Sandi Yee

My Dear Daughter,

Thank you for bringing true joy into my life.

From the moment you were born, you have been the constant light that shines in our house.

I appreciate how much love, support and effort you always give to everyone in around you.

Your compassion when I am ill keeps me sane, and gives me comfort by showing me how much you care. The sweet sound of your voice melts my heart, I would do anything to hear you call me Mommy. Your little hands holding mine give me strength and determination to be the best that I can be, to give the best that I can give, and to do all that I can do to make this world a better place for you.

You inspire me to be a better person, because you are pure and uncorrupt.

I see the best of humanity in you.

I see the best of me in you.

You are a wonderful reminder everyday that I have done something truly remarkable, by giving the world the delight that is you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for being in my life.

And lastly, thank you for being the best reason to live for, your love.

I love you.

Happiness is

ocean shore

Happiness is…

Tickles, giggles and wiggles on the floor.

Cuddles and snuggles at bedtime, warm and cozy.

Skipping down the beach with my daughter’s hand in mine.

My family.

Happiness is…

The tender caress of a lover’s hand.

A long, hard…

Belly laugh…HaHaHaHa!

(were you thinking something else?)

Happiness is…

Sunshine and high blue skies

dotted with puffy little clouds.

Standing on the shore on a windy day,

embracing the power of nature in the gusting wind and crashing waves.

Peace in connecting with spirit and the Divine Source in quiet solitude.

Happiness is…all around if only I look to find.

DSC_0014

Photo Courtesy: Sandi Yee